Hi Dear,
Been spending most of time today reading those investment blogs. Really interesting reading.
Many of them are still in their early 20s. Some are even still in uni. But they have already started with all their financial planning. I feel so embarassed. Here I am in my late 30s but yet have nothing if not for those that you have left.
If you were here and I shared this with you, I can imagine how you will respond. You will either laugh at me or either mock me. I really have been living in my own world for a very long time. A very selfish world full of myself. It's time for me to wake up and face the reality. I need to take that little step. It will be tough but I know no matter where you are, you will be there for me. How I miss you. How I wish I could turn back the time. How I...How I...There are so many things that I want to do with you. I miss you deeply. This will be my deepest regret in my whole life.
It will take me time to get over it but I have to forgive myself and move on.
I decided I should buck up and be a real human. The more I think and the more I read, seems insurance might be the suitable industry I need to be in right now. I can learn on the financial planning and at the same time build the income to sustain the family. I do not wish to have a major adjustment to the lifestyle of the children.
At the same time I will start on read up and do some investment as well. Maybe started with low risk investment such as ETF. Current market is on the low side but haven't hit the bottom yet. I will need to wait for some time before I place my choice.
Things that I need to do :
1. Lose weight ( at least 10kg. Target 20kg).
My health is giving red light. Stamina is no longer there. I seriously need to improve on my health.
2. Start on financial planning
To set target on income to achieve
To control on expenses
To invest
3. Spend more time with the children
Manage my temper and have more patient to deal with the eldest
That's all I can think of now. Will update on the progress.
Love you and will always love you
Thursday 18 February 2016
Wednesday 17 February 2016
New activities
How are you, dear? I really need to get my life back on track again. I have been wasting my time doing nothing. Ya, if you were here, you will definitely give me a good scolding. Honestly, I was kind of relief when I no longer will hear your scolding, but as time goes by, I started to miss it. Now and then, when I was about to decide on something, I will think of you.
If you were here, will you approve on my doing or will you scold me instead? Or will you give me a better suggestions. You are always the thinker. You are always the one who makes the best decision.
You tends to think far ahead. Now I'm so lost. I have no confidence in the decision that I make.
What if it's the wrong one? What will be the implication? But I can no longer can avoid all these. I used to push it to you to decide because I know you always make the best decision.
Now I am on my own. I have to grow up. I have 3 young kids under my care. I need to be responsible for their future. Thinking of this really horrifies me. It scares the hell out of me. I have lost all those confidence along the years. I need to find it back. I know somewhere out there you will be there for me. You will always be there for me. I need to pick the courage to move on. I won't be alone as you have prepared for us the foundation. We just need to continue. Thank you, dear. Thank you for always planning for us. I know how frustrated it must have been to you to have me as your spouse. Who can't share your burden. It must be very tiring to you and that is why you have no will to live on.
I don't want to dwell in the past. Nothing can be undone. I can only do the best to continue what you have started. I need to be strong and responsible. I need to have all the positive energy to keep me going on. Your spirit will guide me, I believe that. Your love to us will never be gone. It's still here and always with us.
It has been a hard time for me to find a job that is suitable for me. I realise finance industry especially accounting no longer suitable for me. With the family commitment that I am having right now, I really need to consider whether I should continue or switch line instead. Some friends have been asking me to join them in insurance industry. I know you will be so mad at me if I decided to join. But comes to think about it, it might suit me at the moment. It offers flexibility in terms of time and money. I need more time with the children and at the same time I need to earn as much as I can as now I'm the sole breadwinner. I am still hesitant at this point of time. I really hope you can be a guidance to me whether I should switch the line or continue to apply for the same job until I find a suitable one.
Today I start to look into stock market as well. It has been quite some time that I do not monitor the market. The stock pricing has indeed changed a lot. Some has gone up far from the last time I traded. And some has fallen far down. Recently the market has shown some signs of economic slow down. Stocks have suffered some though some still stay strong. I am thinking to invest some of it in the stock. I am so helpless now. I have so many things to consider and decide but you are nowhere near me to give me your opinion and advice. At the moment like this, I miss you terribly.
Wherever you are, may you be happy and always protect our family. I love you and I really do.
If you were here, will you approve on my doing or will you scold me instead? Or will you give me a better suggestions. You are always the thinker. You are always the one who makes the best decision.
You tends to think far ahead. Now I'm so lost. I have no confidence in the decision that I make.
What if it's the wrong one? What will be the implication? But I can no longer can avoid all these. I used to push it to you to decide because I know you always make the best decision.
Now I am on my own. I have to grow up. I have 3 young kids under my care. I need to be responsible for their future. Thinking of this really horrifies me. It scares the hell out of me. I have lost all those confidence along the years. I need to find it back. I know somewhere out there you will be there for me. You will always be there for me. I need to pick the courage to move on. I won't be alone as you have prepared for us the foundation. We just need to continue. Thank you, dear. Thank you for always planning for us. I know how frustrated it must have been to you to have me as your spouse. Who can't share your burden. It must be very tiring to you and that is why you have no will to live on.
I don't want to dwell in the past. Nothing can be undone. I can only do the best to continue what you have started. I need to be strong and responsible. I need to have all the positive energy to keep me going on. Your spirit will guide me, I believe that. Your love to us will never be gone. It's still here and always with us.
It has been a hard time for me to find a job that is suitable for me. I realise finance industry especially accounting no longer suitable for me. With the family commitment that I am having right now, I really need to consider whether I should continue or switch line instead. Some friends have been asking me to join them in insurance industry. I know you will be so mad at me if I decided to join. But comes to think about it, it might suit me at the moment. It offers flexibility in terms of time and money. I need more time with the children and at the same time I need to earn as much as I can as now I'm the sole breadwinner. I am still hesitant at this point of time. I really hope you can be a guidance to me whether I should switch the line or continue to apply for the same job until I find a suitable one.
Today I start to look into stock market as well. It has been quite some time that I do not monitor the market. The stock pricing has indeed changed a lot. Some has gone up far from the last time I traded. And some has fallen far down. Recently the market has shown some signs of economic slow down. Stocks have suffered some though some still stay strong. I am thinking to invest some of it in the stock. I am so helpless now. I have so many things to consider and decide but you are nowhere near me to give me your opinion and advice. At the moment like this, I miss you terribly.
Wherever you are, may you be happy and always protect our family. I love you and I really do.
Sunday 14 February 2016
Happy Valentine's Day
It has been over a month that I did not write anything on this blog. Time flies. It flies in a blink of eye. How am I coping? I try not to think about you. Try not to relate anything to you. Tough but I manage to pass by another month without you.
This year is the first Chinese New Year without you. Ever since you are no longer around, there is no longer festive mood in the house. The fireworks are back to our neighbourhood for one more time.
The show was incredible and it lasted for a good 15 minutes.
I try not to dampen Celine's mood for the festive. She had been looking forward to the fireworks. Did you know she's no longer scared of fireworks? She used to be a scaredy cat but now she has grown up. She loves fireworks and lion dance now. She enjoyed the performance.
Recently I have been having hard time with her. I know she's trying to be her best but some how she always managed to make me angry and end up with scolding. I know deep inside she's quite affected by your demise. She has been telling my friend that she missed you. We make it a weekly event to visit your niche and offer prayers to you. I hope this will add merit to you and you will be reborn in a better world.
I try not to face my feelings. I buried it deep. But there is always something that will trigger my memory of you. Until now all your belongings are still at its original place. Just now when I dig for some documents, I saw all those your promotion letters, your award certificates. In the past, I am very proud of you. I don't know since when I started to lose that feeling towards you. All I feel is hatred and jealous. Yes, jealous. I am so jealous of your achievement. I am so jealous of your capability. You always strive for the best and achieve your goal. But yet because of my jealousy, your future is ruined. I am a total opposite of you. I am such a failure. Always procrastinate and stop half way. Never achieve any of my goal. But I always put the blame on you.
You have wasted your life by choosing me. I don't know if this will make me feel any better.
Since you are gone, I become a timid. I do not dare to do lots of things. Even the horror show that we used to watch together, now I totally do not have the guts to watch. I have no one to fall to when it scares me. I have noone to hug me when it's too gross for me.
Dear, I miss you so so much. I know I have been wasting your life. But you know it makes me realised how much I need you. How childish I am. I wish it was just a dream and I could make it up all over again. I will treasure and cherish you. I would love to spend the rest of my life and stay old with you. I never know how much you love me until you leave me. I really miss you. I'm sure you are in a better world by now.
I would try my best to give the children the best. I hope you can always guide me no matter where you are now.
I love you and will always do.
This year is the first Chinese New Year without you. Ever since you are no longer around, there is no longer festive mood in the house. The fireworks are back to our neighbourhood for one more time.
The show was incredible and it lasted for a good 15 minutes.
I try not to dampen Celine's mood for the festive. She had been looking forward to the fireworks. Did you know she's no longer scared of fireworks? She used to be a scaredy cat but now she has grown up. She loves fireworks and lion dance now. She enjoyed the performance.
Recently I have been having hard time with her. I know she's trying to be her best but some how she always managed to make me angry and end up with scolding. I know deep inside she's quite affected by your demise. She has been telling my friend that she missed you. We make it a weekly event to visit your niche and offer prayers to you. I hope this will add merit to you and you will be reborn in a better world.
I try not to face my feelings. I buried it deep. But there is always something that will trigger my memory of you. Until now all your belongings are still at its original place. Just now when I dig for some documents, I saw all those your promotion letters, your award certificates. In the past, I am very proud of you. I don't know since when I started to lose that feeling towards you. All I feel is hatred and jealous. Yes, jealous. I am so jealous of your achievement. I am so jealous of your capability. You always strive for the best and achieve your goal. But yet because of my jealousy, your future is ruined. I am a total opposite of you. I am such a failure. Always procrastinate and stop half way. Never achieve any of my goal. But I always put the blame on you.
You have wasted your life by choosing me. I don't know if this will make me feel any better.
Since you are gone, I become a timid. I do not dare to do lots of things. Even the horror show that we used to watch together, now I totally do not have the guts to watch. I have no one to fall to when it scares me. I have noone to hug me when it's too gross for me.
Dear, I miss you so so much. I know I have been wasting your life. But you know it makes me realised how much I need you. How childish I am. I wish it was just a dream and I could make it up all over again. I will treasure and cherish you. I would love to spend the rest of my life and stay old with you. I never know how much you love me until you leave me. I really miss you. I'm sure you are in a better world by now.
I would try my best to give the children the best. I hope you can always guide me no matter where you are now.
I love you and will always do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)