How are you, dear? I really need to get my life back on track again. I have been wasting my time doing nothing. Ya, if you were here, you will definitely give me a good scolding. Honestly, I was kind of relief when I no longer will hear your scolding, but as time goes by, I started to miss it. Now and then, when I was about to decide on something, I will think of you.
If you were here, will you approve on my doing or will you scold me instead? Or will you give me a better suggestions. You are always the thinker. You are always the one who makes the best decision.
You tends to think far ahead. Now I'm so lost. I have no confidence in the decision that I make.
What if it's the wrong one? What will be the implication? But I can no longer can avoid all these. I used to push it to you to decide because I know you always make the best decision.
Now I am on my own. I have to grow up. I have 3 young kids under my care. I need to be responsible for their future. Thinking of this really horrifies me. It scares the hell out of me. I have lost all those confidence along the years. I need to find it back. I know somewhere out there you will be there for me. You will always be there for me. I need to pick the courage to move on. I won't be alone as you have prepared for us the foundation. We just need to continue. Thank you, dear. Thank you for always planning for us. I know how frustrated it must have been to you to have me as your spouse. Who can't share your burden. It must be very tiring to you and that is why you have no will to live on.
I don't want to dwell in the past. Nothing can be undone. I can only do the best to continue what you have started. I need to be strong and responsible. I need to have all the positive energy to keep me going on. Your spirit will guide me, I believe that. Your love to us will never be gone. It's still here and always with us.
It has been a hard time for me to find a job that is suitable for me. I realise finance industry especially accounting no longer suitable for me. With the family commitment that I am having right now, I really need to consider whether I should continue or switch line instead. Some friends have been asking me to join them in insurance industry. I know you will be so mad at me if I decided to join. But comes to think about it, it might suit me at the moment. It offers flexibility in terms of time and money. I need more time with the children and at the same time I need to earn as much as I can as now I'm the sole breadwinner. I am still hesitant at this point of time. I really hope you can be a guidance to me whether I should switch the line or continue to apply for the same job until I find a suitable one.
Today I start to look into stock market as well. It has been quite some time that I do not monitor the market. The stock pricing has indeed changed a lot. Some has gone up far from the last time I traded. And some has fallen far down. Recently the market has shown some signs of economic slow down. Stocks have suffered some though some still stay strong. I am thinking to invest some of it in the stock. I am so helpless now. I have so many things to consider and decide but you are nowhere near me to give me your opinion and advice. At the moment like this, I miss you terribly.
Wherever you are, may you be happy and always protect our family. I love you and I really do.
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